The Missed Opportunities of a Slow Wit

Spied in real life on the back of a real person:


What I should have said:

1) I couldn’t help but notice how clever your clothing is. Would you care for a blowjob?
2) Here is the warm Pabst you ordered without a trace of irony.
3) You know, there’s a jukebox down the street that plays both Foreigner’s Greatest Hits AND their Best Of.
4) I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Sinbad has laryngitis and won’t be able to perform tonight.
5) Yes, these six varieties are all the themed shot glasses we carry. I do, however have nine different styles of keychain bearing common boys' names, though…
6) Welcome to Carrow’s, and a happy Mother’s Day to your sweetheart here!
7) Glad you found the diabetes ward… so you’re here to see your entire family?

What I did say:

1) Nice shirt, man!

Who Says Achievement is Dead?

I do. And so does this bumper sticker.